Blog Notes...

Hi, blog. 

Long time, no see...I clearly failed to keep up with it, and I'm not sure where to go from here. 

I started this blog hoping it would be an outlet for my emotions and creativity, but I have realized over this past year that it is very painful for me to write about my emotions, and specifically, about my Dad...

I thought it would be easier to just let out all the emotions here, cry them out, scream them out, if you will. It's not. Even if it's in a blog, a place of certain serenity and anonymity...it's still hard. I think every time I tried to write something, I was reminded of what pushed me to start this blog--my Dad's passing--and I would get so sad and unmotivated that fun creative ideas I wanted to share just seemed so very inappropriate, and I would feel guilty.

It's been over a year now. Things have changed. Not better or worse, just changed. The feeling of grief is not as acute and piercing as it used to be, but a dull tug of sadness and missing my Dad is still present, and it's reminding me that... "I'm human." 

I don't really know what to do with this blog...I feel like quitting, but I know I'll feel worse if I do.  Start another one, just for crafts? I think I'll faint even at just the idea...I feel overwhelmed and overcommitted.

I'm going to leave it up to God...praying and pondering upon His will and calling is what always gets me through rough patches.

Ta-ta for now...

UPDATE: I've decided to give it another go. I'll probably move things around and edit some of the previous posts, so that they all fit into my vision of this blog better. I have to be careful and try not to be consumed by blogging and only devote my time to it when I actually have free time, and only when I feel inspired to write and share something, not because I have to write something this week or feel guilty that I haven't. My family will always come first, and blog second. There's just no other way around it for me. So that's that.

On blogging...

I'm SO confused...
As I entered the blogo-sphere a few months ago, I had no idea how much goes into blogging. No, really. I guess it's one thing to keep an online journal, and it's a totally different ball game when you want to BLOG.

In the last couple of months I saw so many blog terms that I, quite honestly, had no idea what they were...
"Linky Parties", "Virtual Parties", "Traffic", "Track back", Tagging"... Mama mia!!!
I mean, it's like taking a class in school again...I have no clue if I'm doing my blogging correctly and according to "blogging etiquette"??? I sure hope so.

And all those crafty ladies...Phew...There are so. many. awesome. craft. blogs. out there!!! I'm in awe of their talent and capabilities...But man, WHERE do they find all that time to put into a blog, not to mention all those fabulous projects? WHEN do they live?? Like, live a real life of a wife and a mother?
That's a real puzzle for me. They all seem to have kids and sometimes even jobs. Their blogs are polished, organized, interesting, and popular. How do they do that? Hmmm, I bet they have that "super-woman" cape hiding in their closet somewhere!!!! :) I sure don't have that kind of time for all this....I am a stay at home Mom, yes, and one might think that I should have all this free time, but, man oh man, I have to say that by my kids' bedtime, I'm almost asleep myself!!!! I am spent!

Well, and that's why my blog looks the way it does, ha!
Amateur, silly, cluttered...
And you know what? I don't mind. That's me :)
One of these days, I'll get organized and make this little blog one yummy eye candy :) However, this is NOT a priority for me, it's just a preference. I like reading other bloggers, probably more so than writing in my own. But sometimes I do get so inspired by my favorite blogs that I feel such an itch to write if not about something as cool and interesting as they do or make, but maybe write something that's on my heart instead or, perhaps, about something simple but fun that God enabled my hands to create.

I'm really so undecided on what my vision for Punky's Cluttered Mind is...It's definitely an outlet for my thoughts to be said out loud...At the same time, sometimes I feel like "throwing up" all my creative ideas and projects onto here because I can't keep them inside my head anymore!!!!! :) If I combine the personal and the creative parts...well, it's going to be quite confusing and scatter-brain-like, and...it will absolutely define "clutter"! Which kind of what this blog is about...to unload my cluttered mind :)
I don't know...We'll see what happens...

For now, I'm just taking one week at a time, trying to figure out the priorities and the commitment level that I want to have with this little "hobby" of mine. I like it here :) But I might not be as frequent of a host and as sophisticated as so many.
And that's OK by me!