New Beginnings!!!

It's a brand new year and a brand new attitude!!!
This past year has been full of great events, trips, meeting new people, discovering new things and places...it has also brought some sorrow and sadness, which was very-very hard to take in and process, but it only magnified for me the the value of "today". I won't go into details of my resolutions for 2012 (there are so many, that it scares me that I have THAT much to work on :) ), but I do have an intention to change this year. I will take little steps toward my goals with tiny accomplishments and victories, all the while having fun with my two precious children and a beloved hubby!!


One of the things that kept me going during this hard time recovering from the death of my Dad were, believe it or not, holiday crafts...I admit, there were days I felt guilty that I enjoyed something as much as I did, where as I maybe should have been more somber and reserved. But...the two crazy kiddos that I'm given to raise and care for needed my attention, my guidance, and my presence. They don't have that emotional pain from the loss of their Dedushka (grandpa), and they don't quite understand the depth of my grief...They live in the moment...they only focus on emotions of today...and that's OK. That's kids :)


They saved me from having a self-centered miserable time at Christmas and helped me to look forward to something fun and exciting and to actually enjoy this time with my family and enjoy teaching my children about God's saving Grace and His everlasting Love.


I wanted the memory of my Dad to be present during this holiday season though...and one way to keep it  a constant reminder of him in the midst of "cheer and joy" was my choice of the Christmas decorations and our wrapping paper this year. The black represents the mourning for my Dad, the white is for hope that he's in heaven, and the red is for Christ. Every time I looked around our house, I saw my Dad being there with us...It was kinda sad to see so much black around us, but that's what made it special and meaningful.

We did quite a few projects kind of in the concept of an Advent Calendar. I say "kind of" because we never followed it to the dot, so I think to say that would be an overstatement. Nonetheless, it was a lot of fun and something that I hope the kids and I will remember through pictures for a long time.
I'll share what we did and how we spent the holidays in the crazy "R" household in the next few posts:)
As for now, Happy New Year!!!

Christmas is over...

As hard as it was to realize that this is the first holiday without my Dad in the picture, it was a good time...time of healing and adjustment. I tried very hard to focus on the positives, on my kids, on my family that I still have. Yes, sadness is still lingering...sometimes it lets go, and sometimes it engulfs me with the unexpected waves of new emotions...Like when I had to send my holiday packages over to Europe and realized that a package to my parents' house is the smallest and lightest of all...It had never happened before...I would always send New Year's gifts, plus, a gift for Papulya's Birthday, which is right after Christmas. The package would be quite big, filled with surprises and some candy for my dad, who had quite a sweet tooth. This year, the packages seemed so light and slim...<sigh>....
Shopping was hard. Men's and fishing/hunting aisles were my enemies...By old habit, I would stop by there and start thinking "Oh, Dad would have loved that!!!" only to quickly realize: "Oh wait...not anymore" and to run out the store in tears...It was a hard holiday season...and it still continues.
As a Russian, I celebrate New Year's Eve, and so does my family. We would always call Belarus on New Year's Eve, at 5pm, to catch their beginning of a new year. The kids would open their gifts on New Year's Eve, leaving Christmas for focusing and celebrating Christ. Then my hubby and I would stay up till midnight watching a Russian movie, kissing at midnight, making wishes, and sipping something bubbly...I knew this year would be different...there have been already a few firsts "without Dad"...and it hurts, and it's natural.


Today is Papulya's Birthday. He would have been 67. It's a sad day...and I cry. I miss him...I miss calling him today and wishing him all the best, thanking him for being my Dad. I pray, and I pray, and I pray....and I say "thank you" to him this way because I don't know how else to send him my love. Happy Birthday, Papulya. Love you.